she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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