I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
