i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
