don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
