She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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