i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
