First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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