Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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