Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
birth control should be required to get into college
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
