please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
