Life is so much better after having sex.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
