She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
