did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
