Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
