Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
