I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
