I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
