Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
