i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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