Got a toothbrush?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
