Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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