I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
