when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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