Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
