You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
