neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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