i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
