oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
