Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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