Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
