Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
