What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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