I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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