just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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