I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
