We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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