before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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