im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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