i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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