ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
