She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
