Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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