you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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