her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
