he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
