She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
