I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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