woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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