The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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