Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
