you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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