he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
