hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
