Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
