is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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