just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drake has all the answers
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
