My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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