I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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