She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
