I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
