My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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