The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
