Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
