i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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