I just pynch a tree in the face
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
