And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
