my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
