areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
