just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
