They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
