YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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